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About Deviant Val the Raccoon24/Male/United Kingdom Group :iconrobot-master-hq: Robot-Master-HQ
 
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Deviant for 8 Years
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  • Mood: Remorse
  • Listening to: Mystery Skulls - Ghost
  • Reading: WoW: Tides of War
  • Watching: Markiplier
  • Playing: World of Warcraft
  • Eating: Ribs
  • Drinking: Rockstar
I just wanted to make a little...announcement? I don't know what you'd call it. A declaration. Whatever. I came to a realization tonight and just wanted to share it.

All of my anxiety, my neurosis, my paranoia and to an extent my anger issues that i've had for over ten long years all stem from fear. Fear of abandonment, fear of those i care about leaving me because i am just not enough, that i am not worth their time and that one day they'll realize that and leave

Because of that i end up making it a self-fulfilling prophecy where, when anything happens my paranoia kicks in and i start worrying about the worst case scenarios and it drives me crazy and i end up losing my temper, i stop thinking and i start acting rashly.

But i think tonight i realized something.

Even if i don't understand why or see anything in myself, people chose to have me around for a reason. They see something in me that's worth their time. And..i never have but i need to start trusting them about that. And trusting that they are not so..fickle as to just leave me for frivolous things.

I know it's an obvious thing to say but it's something my mind has never been able to comprehend, even now it doesn't feel like what i'm saying is completely true. It feels like i'm just trying to build myself up by saying i matter and that i shouldn't.

But really why else would anybody keep me around, even forgive me for things i've done in the past if they didn't see some worth in me? It has to be true, right?

I know i've hurt people over the years because of my issues and i accept the blame of that now. I'm sorry to everyone who ever cared about me only to have me push them away because i couldn't accept that i was loved. This is not a plea for sympathy, forgiveness of pity. It is simply me, hopefully, realizing my problem so i can avoid ever making this mistake again.

deviantID

shadowmjl
Val the Raccoon
United Kingdom
Current Residence: United Kingdom
Favourite genre of music: Rock, Heavy Metal
Favourite style of art: Don't have one, just anything that grabs my interest
Operating System: Windows 7
MP3 player of choice: Any, as long as it can play my tunes
Shell of choice: .......uh...Koopa
Favourite cartoon character: Shadow the Hedgehog, Vegeta, Luffy, Raziel.
Personal Quote: "Do not pray for easier lives, pray to be stronger men" J.F.K
Interests
  • Mood: Remorse
  • Listening to: Mystery Skulls - Ghost
  • Reading: WoW: Tides of War
  • Watching: Markiplier
  • Playing: World of Warcraft
  • Eating: Ribs
  • Drinking: Rockstar
I just wanted to make a little...announcement? I don't know what you'd call it. A declaration. Whatever. I came to a realization tonight and just wanted to share it.

All of my anxiety, my neurosis, my paranoia and to an extent my anger issues that i've had for over ten long years all stem from fear. Fear of abandonment, fear of those i care about leaving me because i am just not enough, that i am not worth their time and that one day they'll realize that and leave

Because of that i end up making it a self-fulfilling prophecy where, when anything happens my paranoia kicks in and i start worrying about the worst case scenarios and it drives me crazy and i end up losing my temper, i stop thinking and i start acting rashly.

But i think tonight i realized something.

Even if i don't understand why or see anything in myself, people chose to have me around for a reason. They see something in me that's worth their time. And..i never have but i need to start trusting them about that. And trusting that they are not so..fickle as to just leave me for frivolous things.

I know it's an obvious thing to say but it's something my mind has never been able to comprehend, even now it doesn't feel like what i'm saying is completely true. It feels like i'm just trying to build myself up by saying i matter and that i shouldn't.

But really why else would anybody keep me around, even forgive me for things i've done in the past if they didn't see some worth in me? It has to be true, right?

I know i've hurt people over the years because of my issues and i accept the blame of that now. I'm sorry to everyone who ever cared about me only to have me push them away because i couldn't accept that i was loved. This is not a plea for sympathy, forgiveness of pity. It is simply me, hopefully, realizing my problem so i can avoid ever making this mistake again.

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Comments


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:icondj-mika:
DJ-Mika Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hello! Thank you very much for the fav, I really appreciate it! :aww:
Reply
:iconshadowmjl:
shadowmjl Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2016
You're very welcome! That melody ghost is so adorable >w< Makes me wanna go back and replay both games back to back x3
Reply
:icondanwind:
danwind Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2015
Happy Birthday
Reply
:iconshadowmjl:
shadowmjl Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2015
Thanks a lot :)
Reply
:icondanwind:
danwind Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2015
Your Welcome
Reply
:iconjoeycool1210:
Joeycool1210 Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2015
Happy birthday.
Reply
:iconshadowmjl:
shadowmjl Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2015
Thanks very much :)
Reply
:icondisneybrony2012:
DisneyBrony2012 Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday!
Reply
:iconshadowmjl:
shadowmjl Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2015
Thank you :)
Reply
:icongirly-dust-artist:
Girly-Dust-Artist Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much for the fact x3
not sure if you remember me but I used to be cnc16
Reply
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