shadowmjl

I first joined the internet sometime around…2006, I think. It was the last year of my secondary school, which is kinda the UK’s version of high school. Up until that point I’d never owned a PC or Laptop before, I’d never had any real interest in them. I was not a social person, the number of friends I had I could count on one hand. School had always been a living hell for me and when I got home I just shut myself away from the rest of the world and played video games nonstop.

Then, as I said, I got an old crappy second hand PC in 2006. It was slow, barely had any disk space but it did the job. Through that I was able to get an MSN account to talk to the few people I knew and very soon I ended up on Youtube and quickly became engrossed in watching fan videos, AMVs, anime clips, the usual stuff. Another site I very quickly ended up stumbling on was Fanfiction.net and my mind was just blown by how many people on there shared the same love of the games that I did and how creative some could be, telling all original stories from the games and delving into any character they could think of. Moreso you could make your own characters and have them interact with cannon characters.

By today’s standards it’s a cliché and cringey to think about but at the time it was an amazing eye opener for me and I met a few people on FF that were the first real friends I ever made online, including one who would become my long running girlfriend. Soon after I was shown to DeviantArt and made my account here in 2007. I went through the usual paces of being a teenage fanboy who didn’t know anything. I did all the dumb things people in fandoms do but I was happy doing them.

Early on in my time online I was met with a lot of people who trolled or just insulted me for the sake of it and at first it hurt, it felt like the drama and shitflinging of my school life was waiting for me on the internet too but I eventually learned, as everyone on the internet does, that this is just something you have to deal with while you’re on here. You either learn to handle it or you let it get to you. And just as I did with the typical hate comments, I learned and I grew. I ended up moving out and into my own place with my girlfriend whom I met over FF, which is something I highly doubt I’d have done had I not met her, at least not nearly as soon as I did.

I met a lot of passionate people with amazing talents and seen so many breathtaking displays of that talent, from movies, artwork, writing, cosplays, music, all stemming from a love of a game or movie, fandoms comprised of thousands of people all discussing every new episode of a show and dissecting hidden meanings and plotting out their own hopes for character development. I would never have been exposed to any of this had it not been for the internet as it was.

And seeing so many other people’s hard work, I found my own passions, writing, telling stories and I stuck at it and got better. I’m still far from perfect but I can see a world of difference from how I used to be. I’ve changed for the better.

 

Every year at Blizzcon there’s the opening ceremony where thousands of people are packed into the main stage area, they come together to listen to the creators of games they adore come and tell them what they have planned. For that one moment all those people, none of their differences matter, none of the issues or opinions they differ on matter. All that matters is they are all there to express and share the love they have for something. It’s corny as hell, I know but that’s one of my favourite things about Blizzcon, that feeling of unity, of not being alone.

The internet gives that same feeling. 11 years later and I still don’t have that many friends offline and the ones I do, I mostly talk to over Steam or Discord. Meanwhile some of my closest friends are people I’ve never met in person and some may say that’s sad or pathetic, I know some people feel that online friends aren’t “real” friends but those are the people who helped me get over my breakup with my girlfriend, watching Markiplier helped me laugh again after my great grandmother passed away. They made me feel like I wasn’t alone, even if all I was doing was sitting in an empty house typing on a keyboard.

I can never express how grateful I am and how much I love the people I’ve met online and how amazing I think they are for dealing with when I act like an asshole and still stick by me.

The internet is an incredible thing, it’s a massive open world where we can explore anything we want, talk to people on the other side of the planet and express ourselves in ways the real world simply does not allow. I am in awe of it and of how much it’s changed me over the years. How much I’ve opened up too, entirely because of this outlet. I’m far more sociable online than I am in real life and I can’t imagine what I’d be if I hadn’t gotten that old crappy PC 11 years ago.

 

But now the internet that I know and love is threatened. The FCC has voted to repeal net neutrality in the US and once that door is open it won’t be long before the same thing happens here in the UK. Now corporations can choose what you’re allowed to access, they can charge more and more for you to express yourself or to visit your favourite sites. They can shut down things they don’t like and prevent you from doing what you love.

The overwhelming majority of the American people made it clear they did not want this but Ajit Pai, the Chairman of the FCC, a bureaucrat that was not voted into his position, has chosen to blatantly ignore the will of the people, to spit in the face of democracy and push his own agenda despite everyone telling him to stop. Whatever side of the net neutrality debate you fall into, the fact is over 70% of US citizens said they did not even want this vote to happen and the FCC did it anyway. That is not how this is meant to work.

 

And now we’ve lost this fight. The vote is passed and it’s only a matter of time until companies like Verizon and Comcast begin chopping up the internet and charging more for what used to be free and telling us where we’re allowed to go or not. Once this door’s been opened I don’t really believe it can be closed but that doesn’t mean we have to just accept that this is how things are now. The internet has power, millions of people can still voice their opinions and fight this.

 

I don’t..really know what I planned this to be when I began writing. I don’t know what we can do if the people making these laws choose to ignore what the people want. I just…when I think about net neutrality being repealed and the internet as we know it changing, I’m just reminded of my 14 year old self sitting at that old PC installing Worlf of Warcraft for the very first time, of seeing Nazo Unleashed and SMBZ on Youtube for the first time, reading all those badly written but inspiring fanfictions as a whole world opened up for me. I’m reminded of how much has happened since then, how much I’ve changed, all that change that would never have happened had it not been for how the internet was.

 

Maybe all this makes me seem pathetic but it’s how my life has gone. I don’t want to see us lose something that means so much to me and I know means so much to everyone else too.

It has many, many problems. The gameplay is very hollow and feels like Sonic Team just did the bare minimum to make the game. Levels are too short and more than any other Sonic game, Forces fits the "Just Boost to win" stereotype that was NOT applicable to Generations or Colors. The story is a joke considering how much it was hyped up, it feels very rushed and half finished and Infinite is a total letdown as a villain although his voice is still badass. The character customization is far from perfect (Give us Raccoons, Sega, ya shit!) but is honestly the best part of the game....oh yeah Classic Sonic is in this game too, right? I don't think anyone cares anymore -_- We have Mania, we have Generations, why is Classic Sonic -here-?

All that said, considering i got the game for only £20 it's not terrible, just bland and not even slightly living up to what it could've been and was promised to be.

...I'd still rather play this than Breath of the Wild any day.

I just wanted to make a little...announcement? I don't know what you'd call it. A declaration. Whatever. I came to a realization tonight and just wanted to share it.

All of my anxiety, my neurosis, my paranoia and to an extent my anger issues that i've had for over ten long years all stem from fear. Fear of abandonment, fear of those i care about leaving me because i am just not enough, that i am not worth their time and that one day they'll realize that and leave

Because of that i end up making it a self-fulfilling prophecy where, when anything happens my paranoia kicks in and i start worrying about the worst case scenarios and it drives me crazy and i end up losing my temper, i stop thinking and i start acting rashly.

But i think tonight i realized something.

Even if i don't understand why or see anything in myself, people chose to have me around for a reason. They see something in me that's worth their time. And..i never have but i need to start trusting them about that. And trusting that they are not so..fickle as to just leave me for frivolous things.

I know it's an obvious thing to say but it's something my mind has never been able to comprehend, even now it doesn't feel like what i'm saying is completely true. It feels like i'm just trying to build myself up by saying i matter and that i shouldn't.

But really why else would anybody keep me around, even forgive me for things i've done in the past if they didn't see some worth in me? It has to be true, right?

I know i've hurt people over the years because of my issues and i accept the blame of that now. I'm sorry to everyone who ever cared about me only to have me push them away because i couldn't accept that i was loved. This is not a plea for sympathy, forgiveness of pity. It is simply me, hopefully, realizing my problem so i can avoid ever making this mistake again.

So I’m a little bit late on this considering it was over Friday and Saturday but yeah, I caved and bought a Blizzcon ticket. *pets Grommloc* And just wanted to give a quick journal on my thoughts considering this was my first Blizzcon. Obviously I’d have loved to be there in person but I have a wedding to save up for and I’m not getting on a plane for 10 hours for 2 days of walking around. I’ve been to conventions before, when Nerds gather together in large numbers, the heat we generate could power a city.

So yeah, this is gonna be a review of the virtual ticket experience. So first things first, Blizzard…get a better streamer..seriously. The quality of the stream kept taking a nosedive at random, cut out at random and I had to keep refreshing the page to get it back. It’s not a big deal but it was definitely an annoyance.

So the opening ceremony did it’s job at getting me hyped to Hell, especially considering Warlords of Draenor goes live in a couple days. The Hearthstone Goblins vs. Gnomes expansion looks great although if I’m honest I was hoping for another Hearthstone Adventure like Naxxramas. I dunno, maybe Blackwing Lair or Ahn’Quiraj.
The big news of course is Blizzard launching a brand new IP; Overwatch and I’m sure my first thoughts upon seeing the trailer and game footage were the same as many others; “Wait, is Blizzard making a movie about superheroes? It looks cool but it’s an odd turn. Oh! It’s a game….it’s Team Fortress 2 =/” But after watching the Overwatch Overview panel I’ve got a lot more confidence in Overwatch and if I’m honest I can’t wait for this game, it genuinely looks like something that could -replace- TF2 for me. Just the manoeuvrability of the characters, the sweet powers and ways you can manipulate the match and other players with them, like Tracer’s Blink, Bomb, Recall combo just make it look sooo much fun. If you dunno what I’m talking about check out the trailers, it looks great.

Most of the stuff on WoW itself and Diablo though was..it was interesting to watch but I’m a huge fan of all that Behind the Scenes stuff. On the surface though, there wasn’t really any new information about either game, save for the fact that there’s a few new Treasure Goblins being added to Diablo. It’s a nice touch but not a huge deal. I was hoping for like, the next expansion after Reaper of Souls or something.
Now the Warcraft movie panel, left me for the first time…ever, really excited for a Video Game adaptation movie. Anyone who plays game knows the completely abysmal record for movie adaptations. When the best we’ve got in terms of accuracy are Mortal Kombat and Silent Hill, you know we’re in a bad place. But the panel got me honestly excited for the movie and quelled a lot of anxiety I had towards it. I got to see a few cast members and hear a bit about the story being based on Warcraft 1, which I always thought it should be that instead of Warcraft 3 or WoW itself and it sounds like it’s gonna kick ass.
That said there was something that seriously pissed me off; There was a viewing of some clips and a teaser from the movie that was not available to virtual ticket holders, you had to physically be there to see it and that’s bullshit, it’s nothing more then teasing us and it’s just rubbing it in that some of us couldn’t make it to Blizzcon because there were several other panels that weren’t on the virtual ticket too, like the voice actors panel.

But I digress, the movie itself is sounding great so just keep praying . Moving on, Heroes of the Storm, while I haven’t gotten to play it myself I do want to, it looks great, I love the aesthetic environments and character designs. There were a couple new battlegrounds announced, a few panels going over the character building process and sound design so I enjoyed those and of course a few new characters announced, Jaina Proudmoore, Thrall and Sylvanas Windrunner. I do wonder with the over abundance of WoW characters if there’s a bunch of Starcraft and Diablo characters waiting to be announced to balance things out. Also announced as playable was the Lost Vikings and when asked about bringing the Vikings back, there was a mention of “Older Blizzard properties” including Blackthorne so we might be getting him as a future hero.

The three big tournaments were, obviously, World of Warcraft PVP Championships, Hearthstone’s first ever World Championship and the Starcraft 2 Global Finals. Now I haven’t watched the Starcraft finals yet but the Hearthstone championships were..not exciting but very interesting. Watching Hearthstone is a lot like watching Chess games, both players looking stone faced as you just watch their every move, enjoying the spectacle of an expert strategy being played out. Btw congrats to Firebat, it seemed like he was one of the players with very little hype behind him and he just bulldozed his way to the Championship.
The WoW championship however….Okay look, I’m not a sports fan. You put the Football World Cup or the Super Bowl in front of me and I’ll fall asleep, I just can’t care about it…with the WoW matches..I may or may not have found myself yelling at my computer monitor more then once..<<..>>..
The matches were really exciting and so many times a player would take a huge amount of damage, only to duck behind a pillar and get a heal on them, it got so tense a lot of the time.

It was cool getting to see a Live Raid on day 2 of some new content in WoD, and making it a race between a top Horde Guild and top Alliance Guild didn’t hurt either…*cough*FortheHorde*cough*

I really wasn’t sure what to expect from the Looking for Group documentary but really it was kinda emotional, all things considered. Taking into account this movie covers 2 decades of work put into a franchise that has become synonymous with the term MMORPG and Video Games in general and affected so many people in such a profound way. I know it might sound sad but this documentary really shows how World of Warcraft can be more then a money draining video game to people, including myself. (Also points for the many cameos, extra for getting Oxhorn)

So that’s the bulk of both days content, and to wind off both days we had the contests on Friday and a bigass Concert on Saturday.
The contests was mostly bands and one dance group, a movie contest and an art competition. All the entries were awesome, I loved the Sore Loser movie, though I’m probably biased towards Machinema  But if I’m honest my favourite entry in the entire competition was a song called Dropship by Recap. It’s like a rock/rap song about Starcraft 2...considering I don’t even play Starcraft 2 (Always meant to, just never got round to it, plus I suck at RTS) and I’m not a fan of Rap…that should tell you something about how well these guys did. Here’s a link to check it out yourselves;  www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReSOOD…

And the costume competition was a lot of fun, I’ve got nothing but respect and admiration for people who make cosplay costumes, some of the ones seen here were insanely detailed. It’s unfortunate that the first place winner was unable to get on stage and show off her costume as from what I heard, she’d slipped and fallen, spraining her ankle and breaking her costume. I’ve seen some photos of it from earlier in the day and it does look amazing.

And to round out the entire convention was 2 and a half hours of rock! First we got a concert by ETC, something I’d been looking forward to seeing all year, and we got 2 new songs, one of which being an Alliance anthem to go alongside Power of the Horde. (Wonder if they’ll be playing them both at Darkmoon Faire now) And then of course, the grand finale, Metallica! It was amazing and I imagine that alone justified the price of the ticket to a lot of people. The entire concert was incredible and would’ve been a perfect end to the event if not for one teeny thing….My house had a power cut halfway through -_-; And I didn’t get power back til the next day. Soo…thank God for the Archived video playback.

Which brings me to my biggest issue and overall thoughts on Blizzcon. Overall Blizzcon 2014 was good, I really enjoyed it, I was able to get into the excitement and feed my Nerdiness. However I get the feeling like there was way more hype over some events then deserved, like the panel that did nothing but explain all the stat and class changes done in Patch 6.0.2 for WoW, or the one that was mostly just saying “Remember how shit Diablo 3 was at launch? Good job we fixed all that for Reaper of Souls, amirite?” The biggest complaint I heard about this Blizzcon was how little new information there was for WoW and Diablo and…yeah, I’ve gotta agree. Like I said, I enjoyed the Hell out of this Blizzcon but remember; this is my FIRST Blizzcon, I was going to enjoy it anyway. I get the impression past years were overall better.
That said, my biggest problem is that I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling a twinge of Buyers Remorse. I spent money for a virtual ticket to view this event and see everything there was to see and at least for me, I feel like the whole virtual ticket experience was a little backhanded, like I was being given stuff but also missing some stuff because “Hey, it’s your own fault. You should’ve come here in person.” And all the events I PAID to see are now all up on Youtube to be viewed for free, which I always knew would happen, it’s the internet but most of the events are uploaded on Blizzards own Youtube channels. That feels like a serious slap in the face right there. What was even the point of me buying the ticket then? The ingame pets, transmogs and stuff were a nice exclusive but they shouldn’t be the main reason for paying, y’know?

Anywho, I know this is a really long entry, I meant to just write a couple paragraphs but there was just more and more I wanted to talk about So yeah, thanks for putting up with my ranting and to those of you who play WoW, I will see you on Draenor!

Hello to all. So yeah....i kinda disappeared for the best part of a year, didn't i? I guess an explanation is owed. Unfortunately I won’t be going into too much detail because it is still very sensitive but long story short, around the start of 2013 I was hit with some very horrible events one after another, including some deaths, all this together in such a short time span drove me into very deep depression to the point I was on suicide watch for a while. This lasted the majority of the year and I only started to get better towards the tail end. However with the help of my family and the friends who I told, I’ve gotten much, much better and now I believe I am over it. To those who were there for me through it all, I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart, you saved me from a very dangerous situation.

Now then, happier topic! What do I have going on at the moment? Hmm….Well, I’ve updated and altered my Youtube channel, it’s still being set up for it but I’m working on some Let’s Play videos as well as some movie and game reviews under the working title “Niches and Nitpicks” AND if anybody is interested I MIGHT do some Creepypasta readings. Apparently all you need is some creepy music and a British accent so I’m in
I got RPG Maker VX Ace sometime last year and have been playing around with it, working on a couple different games. Mostly typical fantasy Final Fantasy style stuff but I’m hoping to make a few horror games down the line.
As some might have noticed I’m back with making comics and have been working quite hard on one I should hopefully be able to start uploading soon based around Digimon. I already have a few pages finished and ready to upload but I want to make more before I start uploading so I don’t end up failing at this project like most of my others =/
Likewise I’ve been writing a lot on my new fanfic, I still need a good title for it at the moment so I’m just referring to it as Reboot as that’s exactly what it is; I hit the big, red continuity eraser button on my old fanfics and rebuild everything from the ground up.

Also one more thing; I’m just clearing this up. My username now on…most everything, is now Chozo_Hunter. It’s only still Shadowmjl because I’m not buying a subscription to DA just to change it.

So yeah, that’s the rundown of my life the past year. Got some new games, new friends, new music, new books, new projects. Life goes on.